why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Randomize
