so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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