We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
