Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
