This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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