I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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