Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
