Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
