Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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