I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
