pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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