seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
COCAINE IS GR8
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
