Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
