Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
