i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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