New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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