I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
