sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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