I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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