Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
