just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
