The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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