i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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