So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
