He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
