She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
