I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
