my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
