so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
