She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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