We got so high we made milksteak
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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