mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
