Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
