Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
