Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
