Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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