Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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