i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
