I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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