And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
