i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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