I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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