You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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