do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
