How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have already put on my inside pants.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
