I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you never un-have a 4some
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
