even my farts smell like vagina
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
