it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize