I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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