$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
