Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
