the condom got lost in my hair
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
