i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
