He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
