So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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