I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
