Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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