dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize