It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize