All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
