obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
