Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
