I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
