Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
