Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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