Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
