You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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