Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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