i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do vagina's smell?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
