My sheets look like a crime scene.
Porn is love you can see.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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