Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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