How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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