Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
