Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
