I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
