Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
